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William Jefferson Clinton

The Presidential Jokepage

What's a popular game for White House interns? Swallow the Leader
What is Bill's idea of "safe sex"? A locked door
Clinton still maintains he was not lying . . . he was standing and she was kneeling
What is the difference between the Titanic and Bill Clinton? We know how many people went down on the Titanic!
If the skeletons in Bill Clinton's closet stood up at the same time...It would look like the Chinese Army!
What is Bill Clinton's favorite federal program? "Head" Start.
What did Monica tell friends when asked about her job at the White House? "It sucks!"
What will Johnny Cochran, Clinton's new lawyer, say to the jury? It's not a sin, if it don't go in!
What did Ted Kennedy say to Bill Clinton? What are you worried about? At least she's not dead.
What do Brett Favre and Monica have in common? They both blew the big one.
How can you tell you've just had sex with Bill Clinton? You've got Big Mac sauce and french fries in your hair, and Vernon Jordan is handling your job application.
Did you hear who Hillary is inviting to spend the night at the White House? Lorena Bobbitt
New Democratic slogan – WIN ONE FOR THE ZIPPER!
What did a famous psychic recently predict for Monica Lewinsky? You will go down in history.
What's the one thing that President Clinton did wrong in his illicit affairs? He didn't ask Teddy Kennedy to drive the women home.
What's the recipe for Clinton Stew? A little wiener in hot water
What do Jerry Ford and Al Gore have in common? They both got promoted because of crooked dicks.
Why doesn't Monica eat bananas? She can't find the zipper.
Why does Bill's limousine have a sunroof? More leg room
What was President Clinton's explanation for having oral sex with Monica Lewinsky? "Panetta told me she was the head intern!"
How did 500 women sampled at random respond when asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton? 86% responded "Not again!"
Clinton Presidential Anthem -- Kneel to the Chief.
What's the difference between Watergate and Zippergate? At least this time there's no doubt about the identity of "Deep Throat."
Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff? She didn't understand what 'staff' he really meant.
Why is President Clinton waiting to tell his side of the story? He's waiting for Marv Albert to do the interview.
What was yesterday's Washington Post Headline? Bush Beats Clinton.
What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name? Unibanger.
What advice did Yasar Arafat give President Clinton in their Oval Office meeting last week? "Bill....Goats don't talk!!"
What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common? They both heard a giant sucking sound!
What did Buddy the Dog say to Clinton on hearing about Zippergate? "Do they serve Alpo in prison?"
If Ken Starr can extend his probe . . .Then what's wrong with Clinton doing the same thing?
Dick Nixon said "Your President is not a crook" Bill Clinton said " Your President's member is not crooked"
Why does Bill Clinton wish he were like Ted Kennedy? Because Kennedy has an ex-wife and a dead girlfriend.
The president said "a year and a half affair with Lewinsky would have been impossible -- I would have become bored and cheated on her after six months."
What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common? They were both upset when Bill finished first.
What is Bill's definition of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town.
How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House? He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex life. Seems today he finally admitted that he had sex with Gennifer Flowers a couple of times....but he didn't come.
Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary? He wants to be on top.
How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down? He married her.
How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite? It Takes A Village!
How does Bill Clinton teach a woman to golf? He starts with the irons and ends up in the woods.
When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat? When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
"One thing's for sure about Clinton...He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo? A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin? A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did? A dead girlfriend.
Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? To promote off-shore drilling.
What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play? Swallow the leader.
Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Overheard at the White House Super Bowl XXXII party: "For the last time, Bill. It's not pronounced Triple-X? Aye, aye!"
President Clinton has vehemently denied that he told former intern Monica Lewinsky to lie. "What I actually said," claims the President, "was to lie down."
Today's headline read: "Clinton Probe Expands". It turned out to be a direct quote attributed to Monica Lewinsky.
Monica Lewinsky entered the White House to see Clinton's personal secretary. Hey, if that's what he wants to call it... Also he usually calls it his Chief of Staff.
Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex. Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.
Monica Lewinsky told Bill Clinton in the Oval Office that the ceiling needs to be painted.
What's the new name for the place where Bill Clinton does his business? The Oral Office.
Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study? He wants to show them his executive branch.
Who is the only woman in the White House not sleeping with Clinton? Hillary
What are the job requirements for secretaries at the White House? They have to know the President's zip code.
In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her late night meetings with the President... "I can't remember the details, she said, but I know the answer is on the tip of my tongue!"
Why did Monica always drink with a straw while she was an intern? Practice.
Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? To keep his ankles warm.
Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours? Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dick"tation.
Seen on an Arkansas Car Bumper "Honk, if you haven't had sex with Bill Clinton"
Is it sexgate, zippergate, fornigate or what!

President French-Fry was out jogging when a hooker standing on the corner hailed him. "Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!" "No, no." Bill replied with a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept on jogging. This exchange soon became a part of the President's normal routine. Each day as he'd approach the corner, the hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr. President...Fifty Bucks!" and Bill would holler back, "No, Five Bucks!" Well, one day, Hillary decided she wanted to go jogging with Bill. As they neared the corner, Bill suddenly realized what a terrible scene was about to happen. Sure enough, there was the hooker, and just like all the other times she smiled and waved and yelled out, "Hey Mr. President......See what you get for Five Bucks?!"


11. Excuse me "Your Honor", but she was on top
10. I didn't want people to confuse me with the Pope on TV
9. She's not THAT young. In Arkansas, the age of consent is only 16
8. Hey, At least she's prettier than Paula Jones or Gennifer Flowers
7. I had to show the American People that I WASN'T impotent for my second term in office
6. I was jealous of Nixon with his 'Tricky Dick" nickname
5. I didn't leave a message on her voicemail. Get with it. This is the 90's, I sent her E-MAIL!
4. See I'm not a Lame duck. She said I was pretty GOOD!
3. My real name is not William Jefferson Clinton. It's William KENNEDY Clinton.
2. I couldn't control myself. It was genetic. I was in her jeans -- oops, I mean it was in my genes.

AND for those of you who remember the famous "I DIDN'T INHALE" comes the now soon to be famous #1 excuse...

1. "I didn't insert!"

Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table having a mother/daughter talk.

"So, Chelsea," says her mother, "you've been going to college for awhile now. Have you had sex yet?"

"Well," says Chelsea, "not according to Dad."

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."

Janet responded, "Just because I am esthetically challenged (that's "politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?"

Janet, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can."

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him.

She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and says, "Janet, is that you?"

Coon-ass Clinton Tune


Dere once was a story bout a man named Bill,
da poor president couldn't keep his willie still.
Then one day he was working at his desk
When in comes Monica and shows him her chest.
Boobs, that is. Two of 'em. Bodacious ta-ta's.

Ya'll kneel down now, ya hear?

Well da next ting ya know Monica's on her knees
Mouth open wide and happy as you please
Bill says "oh yeah" don't say a ting
If you do a good job well have a fling

Blow job, that is. White House scandal

Well Bill lost his cool and he came upon her dress,
He said clean it up cuz you really look a mess.
And you're invited here next week to this locality,
To have a heaping helping of little Willie C.

Week after week Monica's on her knees
Keeping little Willie C as happy as you please
Then one day she contain herself no more
She let out her story about being a white house whore

Bad girl that is, blow jobs and bodacious ta-ta's

Now we know loose lips sink ships and Monica's a whore,
Hillary is still a bitch, and Bill is still a bore.
The country's in the toilet and the people cry "No more!"
But if we oust the cheating jerk we have to live with Gore

The country is disgusted at such a scary thought

We all know he's a man just thinkin gbout a twat
Amazin' how he could lie up on dat stand

It comes down to da fact dat he's just a horny man

Men are always horny, and that's just the way they're made
When you think they're workin they're just wantin to get laid.
So if they find a willing woman they can put to bed
They'll forget about everything just to get some head.

Wiener schnitzel, that is.

So now you herd the story bout our Preserdent
Wonderin if dis little fling will cost him every cent
So da moral of da story is to do it quietly
Don't lust for your interns sexual hospitality


As always, we love to hear your jokes.  To accomplish this, we've set up a special discussion board where my site visitors can share jokes with one another.  To enter my board, click the link below.




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