"10 Minutes Late?"
So, there are three golfers, (Bob, Max and Ted) who are looking for a fourth.
Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so they decide to invite
him for the following Saturday.
"Sure, I'd love to play," says George, "but I may be about ten minutes
late, so wait for me."
So Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9:00 and find George
already waiting for them. He plays right-handed and beats them all.
Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if he'd like to play again the
"Yeah, sounds great," says George. "But I maybe about ten minutes late,
so wait for me."
The following Saturday, again, all four golfers show up on time, but this time George
plays left-handed and beats them all. As they're getting ready to leave, George says,
"See you next Saturday, but I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me."
Every week, George is right on time and plays great with whichever hand he decides to
use. And every week, he departs with the same message.
After a couple months, Ted is pretty tired of this routine, so he says, "Wait a
minute, George. Every week you say you may be about ten minutes late, but you're right on
time. You beat us either left-handed or right-handed. What's the story?"
"Well," George says, "I'm kind of superstitious. When I get up in the
morning, I look at my wife. If she's sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed, and if
she's sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed."
"So what do you do if she's sleeping on her back?" Bob asks.
"Well... That's when I'm about ten minutes late."
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they
want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After
the pro sees his swing, he says, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your
The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up
the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for
The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says,
"No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd
hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a
swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . about 15 ft.
"That was great," the pro says with a straight face. "Now, take the club
out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to!"
Golfing with GOD
One day Jesus and Moses were on the golf course and decide to have a contest over who
can make the most outstanding shot.
So, Moses goes first. He settles up for the shot and hammers it straight for the green.
Unfortunately, the ball falls into a water hazard. Undaunted, Moses raises his arms to the
sky, and the water parts where the ball dropped in. The ball rolls out of the water and
onto dry land, only a foot away from the hole.
Jesus looks at Moses and says, "Hey, Moses, that was a pretty good shot. Now let
me see what I can do."
So Jesus settles up for his shot and sends the ball screaming toward the green.
Unfortunately, Jesus has the same luck as Moses did. The ball heads straight for the water
hazard. Jesus holds out one hand and, instead of dropping into the water, the ball bounces
on top of it and rolls onto dry land only three inches from the hole.
Moses says, "Wow, that was an incredible shot!"
No sooner has Moses said this, than the skies grow dark. The wind starts to pick up,
lightning and thunder crackle through the sky. Suddenly, a ball falls from the heavens
into the same water hazard where Jesus and Moses hit theirs. A fish swims up and swallows
the ball. An eagle swoops down, grabs the fish in his talons, and heads for the now
darkened sky. Lightning strikes the eagle, and he drops the fish onto the green. The fish
opens his mouth, the ball rolls out, and drops into the hole.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "Man! I hate it when your dad plays!"