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The Joke Log - Submitted Joke

Guaranteed Weight Loss Program

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lb due to very serious health risk. As he wondered how the heck he was ever going to do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

"Guaranteed like hell," he thought to himself, but desperate, he called them up and subscribed to the 3-day, 10-lb weight loss program.

The next day there was a knock at the door and when he answered, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful, 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduced herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign said, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he catches her and has his way with her. After they're through she leaves and he thinks, "I like the way this company does business." The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and finds he's lost 10 lbs as promised.

So he calls the company and signs up for the 5-day, 20-lb program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, sexy woman he had ever seen, wearing nothing but Rebooks and a sign: "If you can catch me, you can have me." He's out the door in a shot. She's in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days the same thing happens and much to his delight on the fifth day he weighs himself and finds he has lost another 20 lbs as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day, 50-pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative. "This is the most rigorous program yet." "Absolutely." he answers. "I haven't felt this good in years."The next day there's a knock at the door and when he answers it, he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads,

"If I catch you, I can have you."

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